1.) It is a spoon
Spoons are all the rage this fall with everyone using them to eat off of in a totally new
and inventive way that has not previously existed at the time of this writing.
2.) It is covered
This spoon is so different in that it is covered and totally useless which makes it so
unique and incredible and definitely an essential staple in your home movie theater
3.) It is a conversation piece
If you buy this spoon you will get lots of questions about where you got it and why you
even got it in the first place and this will be the first time people will have talked to you
in a very long while so that’s an exciting new change that will definately be happening
if you buy this spoon.
4.) It is a nice color
It is silver and that is okay.
5.) It is rustic
This spoon screams farm so you might want to keep it in a special place so that all that
noise doesn’t keep you up at night.
6.) It does not work
You cannot eat anything off of this spoon so now you can finally get started on you
2018 New Year’s resolution which was to not eat anything off of a spoon.
7.) It is the exact size as shown in the picture
That way if your resolution wasn’t to not eat anything off of a spoon and was instead to
not eat anything off of a tiny spoon you will be one step closer to achieving your
8.) You will probably throw it out after a month
And for every bad spoon you throw out the company will donate one of its own bad
spoons to the landfill of your choice as long as you pay for shipping.
9.) It is an excellent gift for a person you love
If I had given this to the person I loved maybe they wouldn’t have left me and taken the
dog with them.
10.) It is an excellent gift for a person you like
If you don’t love anyone, this could be an excellent tip for a nice waiter or barista and
I’m sure they will love the gesture.
11.) It is an excellent gift for a person you dislike
This could also be an excellent gift for a rude waiter or barista considering that it
doesn’t work and it is also a spoon and not money.
12.) It is an excellent gift for a person you hate
If you really hate someone give this to them and tell them it is a working spoon and
watch them get so mad when they go to eat cereal and find out that it is not and then
become even more furious when they find out that you hacked into their webcam just to laugh and watch them eat their cereal with the spoon you gave them.
13.) It is an excellent gift for me
I will take the spoon, there’s someone I would like to give it to in hopes of getting my
14.) It is an excellent gift for anyone
And if you have no one go out and find anyone and give them this spoon, which I know
anyone would appreciate.
15.) It can teach us a little bit more about ourselves
Yet maybe in the end it is not what the spoon can or cannot do. Instead, perhaps this has all been about what the spoon already is. True, it does not work as it is meant to, nor does it appear to have any alternate function that could render it as useful in any practical capacity. However, this spoon has an allure about it that makes one wonder if usefulness is even the threshold for usefulness itself. What if usefulness was defined by the used and not the user? Would the spoon consider itself a useful object? Maybe so. Would it see some worth in itself that the average audience could neither acknowledge
or appreciate? It is very likely. And could the same be said for each and every one of us as we are? Do we not inherently see ourselves as something more than others see us? Is this not the very nature of our dreams, our hopes, our ambitions? Hasn’t it always been about seeing ourselves as more than others see us? When we look at ourselves in the same way we look at this spoon, we are seeing ourselves as other see us. We are able to understand the image of ordinary and at times impractically we project onto the world. It can seem that we are useless defects on the face of the earth, designed to be casually glanced at, consumed, and moved on from. But we know deep down that this is not who we are. We are more. And we know this because we have looked at ourselves more deeply than any other. We understand that we are not useless spoons in a world filled with functioning spoons, we just appear as such.
And if any one person took the time to see that in us, maybe what we consider useful could change. Maybe the we could see the spoon the way it may very well see itself. Extraordinary. Or maybe that spoon was the first thing that came up when I googled “useless object” and now it’s currently midnight and I’m trying to get this done as fast as possible while still maintaining the outward appearance of a decent piece of writing. You decide.